hold on to me

Today, I just want to know that everything will be ok. 
Promises like this should be enough:


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)


Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. (Isaiah 26:3)


But somehow they don't even touch my fear, doubts and insecurities.  I am broken and sad.
I will smile and face the world, but I'm crying inside from my busted heart.

upside down and backwards

Sometimes, life just seems out of control, upside down and backwards.  And not in a taking-the-gold-medal-at-the-X-Games kind of upside down.  This is no winning matter.  I feel like everything is so out of control, I don't even know what to grab in order to start putting it back in order.  Chaos.  Hurt.  Disappointment.  Worry.  I know that really the primary reason I feel like this is that I don't feel good.  When you don't feel good, everything else seems worse.  Oh well, I shall go to sleep and maybe, just maybe, everything will seem better in the morning.

Stress, listening and fatigue.

Today, I went back to the walk in clinic at the urging of several friends and family members.  To give you a little follow up, I went to the same clinic 12 days ago and was prescribed a 10 day course of antibiotics. After finishing the full course of antibiotics and not feeling any better, I followed their urgings and returned.  The MD staffing the walk-in today is NOT my favorite.  I always leave feeling that he had a preconceived notion of my ailment or rather lack of ailment and viewed my complaints through this scope.  He decided that the reason I am so fatigued is due to stress.  He questioned me about whether or not I had any additional stress in my life.  I said not any more than usual, which compared to a significant number of people is very minimal.  I do not feel like stress is what is causing me to have this extreme fatigue... seriously, I've been sleeping probably 12-14 hours a day(I normally sleep 6-7 hours/day).  I do not feel well.  I just want to feel better and I want someone to listen to me.  I don't know what to do about all that, but I try to glean some sort of wisdom/insight from every situation.  Today, this is what I take from all this mess.
I resolve to listen to others.  Not the half-hearted mmmm-hmmm...... oh really?...... Yeah... type of listening where 99.9% of my brain is engaged in other activities, thoughts and plans.  I mean to really listen... to hear their pain, joy, sorrow, fear, regrets, stress, etc.  I'm usually fairly good at listening, but I think I do have room for improvement.
I resolve to have more compassion for others.  This is something I have faced several times recently... lack of compassion.  People just expecting me to keep on going, because they think I'm just over-reacting or something. If someone says they are sick, I resolve to believe them.  I will do my best not to minimize other's feelings, situations, fears, regrets, no matter if their situation is born of their decisions.
I resolve to care.
I resolve to be kind
I resolve to be stronger.
I resolve to never, ever go to the walk-in clinic again, especially if Dr. Murphy is working.