I can be a very odd person. I have come to understand that I do NOT see the world as other people see the world. My brain works very differently than other peoples. I am visual. I like colors. I assign patterns. I have an imagination. I split hairs. I problem solve. I look for loopholes... not necessarily to take them, but just to see if I can find them. Anyhow, I said all that to get at the imagination part. I have a very vivid imagination. Sometimes, I can imagine something and it is so real, it makes me smile, laugh, cry, etc. So, the other day, I was reading some posts on fb, and I got this mental picture of myself, inside a circle of chairs.
*standing*
**deep breath**
***wobbly smile***
"My name is Rachelle... and I am a sinner"
There are other people sitting in the chairs all around. The chairs are have metal frames with vinyl cushions. They are brown. They have those little pegs and holes on the sides so you can connect all of them in a straight line. The room has a white floor and dirty metal framed windows near the ceiling. The sky is visible through the windows; it has been raining and the sun is breaking through the clouds and streaming light in patches on the floor.
I cannot see the people's faces... I don't even know if I looked. I feel... transparent... shaky... a little uncertain. I am laying myself on the line and I wonder how everyone will react. Then, I remember... everyone else is here for the same reason I am.
I wonder, sometimes, if this is how the body of Christ should be. The other day I heard the terms "saints" and "sinners" used. It irked me. Saints are dead Catholic heroes. People pray to them and wear charms and tokens in hopes that these "saints" will protect them. I am not a saint. I'm not even a good person. I am a sinner. Sometimes, I get so sick of pretending.
'Hi, my name is Rachelle and here is my good side."
This does not benefit me. This does not benefit others. I make mistakes... big mistakes. I fall flat on my face. I am afraid. I am weak. Sometimes, I feel like all this good side business weakens the bonds we could have... as believers. Is this the way things should be? Everyone always hiding behind a smile? Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that we should mope around all the time. All I'm saying is that perhaps, we should be as open with our faults as we are with our strengths. I think the Bible supports me in this: "Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
"Hi, my name is Rachelle. I have a problem, will you pray for me?"
Sometimes, we judge a little too much when we should be praying.
Sometimes, we point at your mote instead of asking for help with our beam.
Sometimes, we should offer each other a safe place, instead of casting stones.
So, my friends... Here I am.
My ears will listen to your joys, fears and sorrows.
My eyes will cry tears of sharing, both laughter and pain.
My mouth will speak words of truth, like a balm, even if it shakes.
My heart will empathize, because I have been there too.
My arms will embrace as though my very soul could comfort you.
My soul will soar because of a trust shared.
And I will try to be more transparent and I will pray for you.
Because light shines more readily through a transparent object.
Oh, and please, pray for me.
