Honestly, I dislike seeing you.
Preferably, You would be invisible.
Aesthetically, You marr my vista.
I look away, I do something, anything, so I don't have to face you.
I'm sorry.
Truthfully, I could be you.
Frightfully, You are a part of me.
Apologetically, I need you.
I see you, falling, grappling, oozing in the grotesqueness of mischance.
I shudder.
Inwardly, You are beautiful.
Socially, Tracks divide us.
Outwardly, You are a nusiance.
If only, I would view you in a different light... the light of sun through stained glass.
I ponder.
Painfully, I admit my own horror.
Remorsefully, I claim my disregard.
Hopefully, I will make amends.
Somehow, I pray that grace will find you, the way it found me, saved me... from being you.
I reflect.
Faithfully, He is patient.
Lovingly, He looks at you and me.
Tenderly, He reminds us.
It is grace and love, mercy built upon mercy. Truth, patience, forgiveness.
I surrender.
Longingly, I desire more.
Consistently, I fall short.
Continually, Grace is needed.
A collection of snapshots taken in my head and played in a slideshow.
I discover.
Collectively, we are all the same.
Necessarily, we are obligated.
Fortunately, There is still time.
A chance is given, an opportunity taken, a groundwork laid.
I concede.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Tidbits for Today: fixing
I love the song "Fix You" by Coldplay...
I'm sorry if you only listen to Christian music and I hope you can refrain from writing me off as hyper-carnal.
But I digress... I love the song, the lyrics...
"When you try your best, but you don't succeed.
When you get what you want and not what you need.
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep.
Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face.
When you lose something you can't replace.
When you love someone, but it goes to waste.
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.
And high up above or down below.
When you're too in love to let it go.
But if you never try you'll never know.
Just what you're worth.
Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.
Tears stream down your face.
When you lose something you can't replace.
Tears stream down your face.
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.
Tears stream down your face.
Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you."
I guess maybe why I really relate to this song is I need fixing.
But I know that God can fix me... he doesn't have to TRY.
"Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will fix you."
That's all.
I'm sorry if you only listen to Christian music and I hope you can refrain from writing me off as hyper-carnal.
But I digress... I love the song, the lyrics...
"When you try your best, but you don't succeed.
When you get what you want and not what you need.
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep.
Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face.
When you lose something you can't replace.
When you love someone, but it goes to waste.
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.
And high up above or down below.
When you're too in love to let it go.
But if you never try you'll never know.
Just what you're worth.
Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.
Tears stream down your face.
When you lose something you can't replace.
Tears stream down your face.
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.
Tears stream down your face.
Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you."
I guess maybe why I really relate to this song is I need fixing.
But I know that God can fix me... he doesn't have to TRY.
"Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will fix you."
That's all.
Arguments with God
I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes I argue with God.
I don't set out to argue.
I mean I don't wake up in the morning and say, Today, I think I'll argue with God.
Nope.
This morning, I engaged in what might seem to be an exercise in futility.
However, it was not futile.
{futile: incapable of producing any result; ineffective; useless; not successful}
Perhaps, it was more of a discussion than an argument.
Maybe, actually, it was more like God interjecting his wisdom into my thoughts...
And I didn't recognize it through several thoughts and responses.
Whatever it was, it went like this.
X person doesn't even want to believe in you.{You don't see him the way I see him}
I don't see how I can get through to him. Nothing I say makes a difference. {Rachelle, you can't see the work I'm doing}
He's a hopeless case. {Do you doubt my power?}
At this point, the argument was over...
I was filled with conviction, because, honestly, sometimes I forget God is sovereign.
I mean, I know God is sovereign.
I realize that God is bigger than my mortal mind can comprehend.
He is vast, tremendous, immeasurable.
God is the creator of the entire universe...
{In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. John 1:1-5}
It's just sometimes, oft times, I look at my surroundings and circumstances through eyes of darkness.
I cannot change someone's mind.
I cannot fix them.
I cannot perform miracles.
Turn water into wine.
Feed 5000+ people with 5 loaves and 2 fishes.
And somehow I try and merge my concept God with my humanity.
But...
GOD is not human.
God is immortal.
Powerful.
AMAZING.
{Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. I Timothy 1:17}
{That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened ; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe , according to the working of his mighty power, Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places, Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named , not only in this world, but also in that which is to come: And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all. Ephesians 1:17-23}
Power far above all these earthly things.
Power and authority that I cannot even begin to fathom.
I mean, if He can insert his wisdom, conviction and hope right into my thoughts, not my prayers, but my thoughts...
How can I not expect him to work on X person's behalf?
How can I doubt his working, just because I cannot see it with my eyes of darkness?
How can I...
And there is the problem.
He CAN.
And there is the solution.
{I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13}
I can because He can...
And it doesn't stop there.
{And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:23}
{For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11}
He is working it all out.
All I have to do is TRUST.
Sounds simple, but I struggle greatly with trusting.
But I'll save that for another post.
I don't set out to argue.
I mean I don't wake up in the morning and say, Today, I think I'll argue with God.
Nope.
This morning, I engaged in what might seem to be an exercise in futility.
However, it was not futile.
{futile: incapable of producing any result; ineffective; useless; not successful}
Perhaps, it was more of a discussion than an argument.
Maybe, actually, it was more like God interjecting his wisdom into my thoughts...
And I didn't recognize it through several thoughts and responses.
Whatever it was, it went like this.
X person doesn't even want to believe in you.{You don't see him the way I see him}
I don't see how I can get through to him. Nothing I say makes a difference. {Rachelle, you can't see the work I'm doing}
He's a hopeless case. {Do you doubt my power?}
At this point, the argument was over...
I was filled with conviction, because, honestly, sometimes I forget God is sovereign.
I mean, I know God is sovereign.
I realize that God is bigger than my mortal mind can comprehend.
He is vast, tremendous, immeasurable.
God is the creator of the entire universe...
{In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. John 1:1-5}
It's just sometimes, oft times, I look at my surroundings and circumstances through eyes of darkness.
I cannot change someone's mind.
I cannot fix them.
I cannot perform miracles.
Turn water into wine.
Feed 5000+ people with 5 loaves and 2 fishes.
And somehow I try and merge my concept God with my humanity.
But...
GOD is not human.
God is immortal.
Powerful.
AMAZING.
{Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. I Timothy 1:17}
{That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened ; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe , according to the working of his mighty power, Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places, Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named , not only in this world, but also in that which is to come: And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all. Ephesians 1:17-23}
Power far above all these earthly things.
Power and authority that I cannot even begin to fathom.
I mean, if He can insert his wisdom, conviction and hope right into my thoughts, not my prayers, but my thoughts...
How can I not expect him to work on X person's behalf?
How can I doubt his working, just because I cannot see it with my eyes of darkness?
How can I...
And there is the problem.
He CAN.
And there is the solution.
{I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13}
I can because He can...
And it doesn't stop there.
{And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:23}
{For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11}
He is working it all out.
All I have to do is TRUST.
Sounds simple, but I struggle greatly with trusting.
But I'll save that for another post.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
head vs heart
head vs heart
The heat is heard as the line is blurred.
"What are you saying? That just sounds absurd."
I wish to explain, but all that I speak gets lost in translation.
Are you a romantic; Shot through the heart?
Or do you deal in logic, with reason to start?
Is one better? How can we know;
which one to follow, where will we go?
I stopped at a crossroads, a fork if you would...
My heart said "this won't work" but my head said it could.
It applied all the rules that govern such logic.
Ah, let me tell you the end result was tragic.
Forgiving you took me so long,
A long time to realize where i went wrong.
Heed this saying, if you are smart
It's true when they tell you to 'follow your heart.'
The heat is heard as the line is blurred.
"What're you saying? That just sounds absurd."
"What are you saying? That just sounds absurd."
I wish to explain, but all that I speak gets lost in translation.
Are you a romantic; Shot through the heart?
Or do you deal in logic, with reason to start?
Is one better? How can we know;
which one to follow, where will we go?
I stopped at a crossroads, a fork if you would...
My heart said "this won't work" but my head said it could.
It applied all the rules that govern such logic.
Ah, let me tell you the end result was tragic.
Forgiving you took me so long,
A long time to realize where i went wrong.
Heed this saying, if you are smart
It's true when they tell you to 'follow your heart.'
The heat is heard as the line is blurred.
"What're you saying? That just sounds absurd."
I wish to explain, but all that I speak gets lost in translation.
So many hurts and unanswered questions
as I arrived at a new intersection.
My heart was willing, although still tattered.
The head decided this wasn't what mattered.
The risk was too great, shooting the moon.
Looking back, I believe I acted too soon.
In this equation of head vs heart,
I, once again, chose to play the same part.
Perhaps one day soon I will figure it out,
just what this head vs. heart is about
before every ounce of hope has faded
and my glass heart is entirely jaded.
So many hurts and unanswered questions
as I arrived at a new intersection.
My heart was willing, although still tattered.
The head decided this wasn't what mattered.
The risk was too great, shooting the moon.
Looking back, I believe I acted too soon.
In this equation of head vs heart,
I, once again, chose to play the same part.
Perhaps one day soon I will figure it out,
just what this head vs. heart is about
before every ounce of hope has faded
and my glass heart is entirely jaded.
The heat is heard as the line is blurred.
"Someday somebody will walk into your life & make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. ♥"
On facebook a friend posted this quote
I want to believe the words that she wrote.
Hopeful me and my spectrum of emotion,
Perhaps what I need is a magical potion.
So, my dear whoever you are,No matter how near, no matter how far;
Keep going on through the toil and strife...
Always maintaining a beautiful life.
To be able to say of every stage,
of every part and act that is played,
As the lights dim on each curtain fall;
Breathe- I did my best, I gave it my all.
Because rather than to ponder
Heart vs. head, it makes me wonder.
If no matter what each day brings,
And I give my best in all of these things.
"What are you saying? That just sounds absurd."
I wish to explain, but all that I speak gets lost in translation.
"Someday somebody will walk into your life & make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. ♥"
On facebook a friend posted this quote
I want to believe the words that she wrote.
Hopeful me and my spectrum of emotion,
Perhaps what I need is a magical potion.
So, my dear whoever you are,No matter how near, no matter how far;
Keep going on through the toil and strife...
Always maintaining a beautiful life.
To be able to say of every stage,
of every part and act that is played,
As the lights dim on each curtain fall;
Breathe- I did my best, I gave it my all.
Because rather than to ponder
Heart vs. head, it makes me wonder.
If no matter what each day brings,
And I give my best in all of these things.
Will the heat be heard as the line is blurred?
Perhaps what I'm saying is not that absurd,
I have found something on which my head and heart can agree.
Love is the primary answer we need; and finally, Truth will set us free.
Monday, August 8, 2011
It's Monday!!!
Monday is my favorite day (of the WEEK, this does not include the weekend ;)). It's just so pregnant with expectation and possibilities. The first day of the week (in my mind Sunday is part of the weekend), it's like a new beginning, a fresh start. So, I thought I'd share some of my favorite things on my favorite day.
>I absolutely adore summer... August is my favorite month. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to take as much of my vacation next year in August as allowable.
>I think the temperature outdoors should always exceed 50*F... I like the nice warm weather... 85*F is ideal!
>My favorite color is the color of a dusky summer sky... where the sky shades from dark murky blue to the palest tinge of yellow. This color is called summer twilight. I also like greens, blues and charcoal... with a little pink thrown in for good measure.
>FEBREZE!!! I am addicted to this product line... candles, fabric softener, laundry detergent, freshening spray, air fresheners, plug-ins, bathroom cleaner... seriously... I may need help.
>Going barefoot. Just another summer pleasure. :) Walking barefoot, especially in grass, transports me instantly back to my childhood. It makes me feel carefree and jubilant.
>I am learning to play guitar and I simply <3 it. I love music and singing. In my mind, everyone should sing. Music is like therapy. My love for music baffles me somewhat, since I'm such a visual person. I simply cannot explain how it makes me feel when a song perfectly describes my mood and emotions perfectly. Songwriters are my heroes... painting mental pictures with their clever lyrics.
>I like words... I remember in school, I always dreaded using the dictionary... now I wonder why. Sometimes, I read the dictionary for fun.
>Really, I'm just an overgrown kid that enjoys blowing dandelion seeds. Dandelions are so happy and friendly... All yard owners that take careful care of their lawns are glaring in my direction. I can live with that.
>Fresh cut grass, puppy breath, coffee, sharpies, scotch tape, newly sharpened pencils, books, J&J calming nighttime lotion, fruit stripe gum, hot blacktop mixed with rain, the nitrogen released from the ground when it rains, leather, any citrus fruit, Pepsi-immediately after you open the can, the forest, red rose tea bags- especially right when you remove the cellophane and open a new box, fresh laundry... these are some of my favorite scents.
>Otter pops and banana popsicles... like I said, I'm really just an overgrown kid.
I'm not a big food fan, but you really can't beat a well made vanilla mocha, almost anything made in my mother or grandparent's kitchen, a perfect cookie or cupcake... The way chocolate can transform something from blah to bliss. Steak Nachos from SLR. An exquisite sandwich... Mmmmm.
>Hot cocoa... enough said.
>Kittens, puppies and babies are irresistible.
>I <3 texting... now I'm starting so sound like a teenager, so maybe I should wrap this up.
"One hundred fifty-one insights in to my soul." ;)
>I absolutely adore summer... August is my favorite month. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to take as much of my vacation next year in August as allowable.
>I think the temperature outdoors should always exceed 50*F... I like the nice warm weather... 85*F is ideal!
>My favorite color is the color of a dusky summer sky... where the sky shades from dark murky blue to the palest tinge of yellow. This color is called summer twilight. I also like greens, blues and charcoal... with a little pink thrown in for good measure.
>FEBREZE!!! I am addicted to this product line... candles, fabric softener, laundry detergent, freshening spray, air fresheners, plug-ins, bathroom cleaner... seriously... I may need help.
>Going barefoot. Just another summer pleasure. :) Walking barefoot, especially in grass, transports me instantly back to my childhood. It makes me feel carefree and jubilant.
>I am learning to play guitar and I simply <3 it. I love music and singing. In my mind, everyone should sing. Music is like therapy. My love for music baffles me somewhat, since I'm such a visual person. I simply cannot explain how it makes me feel when a song perfectly describes my mood and emotions perfectly. Songwriters are my heroes... painting mental pictures with their clever lyrics.
>I like words... I remember in school, I always dreaded using the dictionary... now I wonder why. Sometimes, I read the dictionary for fun.
>Really, I'm just an overgrown kid that enjoys blowing dandelion seeds. Dandelions are so happy and friendly... All yard owners that take careful care of their lawns are glaring in my direction. I can live with that.
>Fresh cut grass, puppy breath, coffee, sharpies, scotch tape, newly sharpened pencils, books, J&J calming nighttime lotion, fruit stripe gum, hot blacktop mixed with rain, the nitrogen released from the ground when it rains, leather, any citrus fruit, Pepsi-immediately after you open the can, the forest, red rose tea bags- especially right when you remove the cellophane and open a new box, fresh laundry... these are some of my favorite scents.
>Otter pops and banana popsicles... like I said, I'm really just an overgrown kid.
I'm not a big food fan, but you really can't beat a well made vanilla mocha, almost anything made in my mother or grandparent's kitchen, a perfect cookie or cupcake... The way chocolate can transform something from blah to bliss. Steak Nachos from SLR. An exquisite sandwich... Mmmmm.
>Hot cocoa... enough said.
>Kittens, puppies and babies are irresistible.
>I <3 texting... now I'm starting so sound like a teenager, so maybe I should wrap this up.
"One hundred fifty-one insights in to my soul." ;)
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Tidbit for today: mercies and manna
Lamentations 3:22-23
King James Version (KJV)
22It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
23They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
Are mercies (and compassion) like manna? Sitting in Bible Study, this question sprang to my mind. When the Children of Israel were wandering in the wilderness, God provided them with manna to eat. Catch was, they had to collect it daily. If they collected more than they could consume in one day, (with the exception of the sabbath, of course) it would mold. Is this somehow symbolic... Must we daily gather the new mercies from God? I like this thought. I envision myself in a tent in the wilderness. Every morning, I open my tent flap and there, on the ground lay mercies. I gather what I need to sustain me, to carry me through another day.
This is not founded on deep and insightful research. It's just a thought I had. I know it could be argued that in Psalms it states "for his mercy endureth forever." But just let me keep my thought. I don't know about you, but I'm going to leave my tent and go collect my daily mercy.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Pet Peeves
Preface: I do not have OCD... no matter what anyone tells you or how this seems.
Pet Peeves, we all have them. Those things that we can't stand, but don't seem to bother anyone else. I have pet peeves, quite a few in fact. That's what I want to talk about today... I'm sure you're all excited. If you're not, maybe you should re-evaluate your excitement priorities.
My biggest pet peeve is... gross smells. That one is pretty self explanatory.
I despise when my hands smell like food... to the point that sometimes I don't eat certain foods because I know they will make my hands smell or because I have no way to wash them.
When I have my own house... my very own house... where I am the boss... nothing will be cooked with garlic. Also, no bacon or sausage... I cannot abide the smell of pork cooking. Seriously, it makes me irritable. Then, if that weren't enough, it clings to the very air with a heavy and cloying weight that lingers for days. Ok, well, maybe if some febreze candles are lit and the fan is on and there is a cross draft pulling all that irritability out of my work space... maybe, just maybe, we can cook some bacon in the oven.
Those sizzling fajitas at mexican restaurant where they bring out the smoking plate of horror make me cringe. You may as well throw your clothes away after someone, even across the restaurant, orders those. Yick yuck!
I also do not like the smell of bleach.... I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
Two of my other biggest pet peeves pretty much go in the same category...
a) when people think they are special because of where they are from.
b) People who have enormous pride for their state/hometown/etc... pride so enormous that they have to try and one up ANYTHING about where anyone else is from.
I have been to X town and I've been a lot of other places. Just because you live there doesn't make it spectacular. You don't control the weather, the vista, or make it awesome. Any part of it that is spectacular is because GOD created it. Yeah, it might have a nice scene... but there are nice things about almost everywhere.... beauty all around, we just have to be willing to see it. I'm sorry for this rant, this just drives me nuts!!! Yes, I did triple exclaim!
It's like the people from Alaska who get irritated at the people from Texas because of their lone star "everything's bigger in Texas" mentality. Then, the people from Alaska proceed to say how Alaska is X amount larger than Texas and I just want to scream... YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW BIG YOUR STATE IS! It is not a reflection of you personally.
Live where you love and love where you live, but be willing to accept that someone lives everywhere and they like it there... it has its drawbacks, but it also has it's benefits.
You're not amazing because you're from Cali or Hawaii... You are amazing because God created you that way... just like he created everyone else that way. So, GET OVER YOURSELF.
Ok... now that you have an insight into my irritants... I probably just lost all blog followers. ;) (both of you).
Pet Peeves, we all have them. Those things that we can't stand, but don't seem to bother anyone else. I have pet peeves, quite a few in fact. That's what I want to talk about today... I'm sure you're all excited. If you're not, maybe you should re-evaluate your excitement priorities.
My biggest pet peeve is... gross smells. That one is pretty self explanatory.
I despise when my hands smell like food... to the point that sometimes I don't eat certain foods because I know they will make my hands smell or because I have no way to wash them.
When I have my own house... my very own house... where I am the boss... nothing will be cooked with garlic. Also, no bacon or sausage... I cannot abide the smell of pork cooking. Seriously, it makes me irritable. Then, if that weren't enough, it clings to the very air with a heavy and cloying weight that lingers for days. Ok, well, maybe if some febreze candles are lit and the fan is on and there is a cross draft pulling all that irritability out of my work space... maybe, just maybe, we can cook some bacon in the oven.
Those sizzling fajitas at mexican restaurant where they bring out the smoking plate of horror make me cringe. You may as well throw your clothes away after someone, even across the restaurant, orders those. Yick yuck!
I also do not like the smell of bleach.... I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
Two of my other biggest pet peeves pretty much go in the same category...
a) when people think they are special because of where they are from.
b) People who have enormous pride for their state/hometown/etc... pride so enormous that they have to try and one up ANYTHING about where anyone else is from.
I have been to X town and I've been a lot of other places. Just because you live there doesn't make it spectacular. You don't control the weather, the vista, or make it awesome. Any part of it that is spectacular is because GOD created it. Yeah, it might have a nice scene... but there are nice things about almost everywhere.... beauty all around, we just have to be willing to see it. I'm sorry for this rant, this just drives me nuts!!! Yes, I did triple exclaim!
It's like the people from Alaska who get irritated at the people from Texas because of their lone star "everything's bigger in Texas" mentality. Then, the people from Alaska proceed to say how Alaska is X amount larger than Texas and I just want to scream... YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW BIG YOUR STATE IS! It is not a reflection of you personally.
Live where you love and love where you live, but be willing to accept that someone lives everywhere and they like it there... it has its drawbacks, but it also has it's benefits.
You're not amazing because you're from Cali or Hawaii... You are amazing because God created you that way... just like he created everyone else that way. So, GET OVER YOURSELF.
Ok... now that you have an insight into my irritants... I probably just lost all blog followers. ;) (both of you).
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